


Undercover at Roseman Drive

by Colonel_Edd



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe, Domestic Fluff, Enemies to Friends, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mystery, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2019-11-21 17:05:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18144989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colonel_Edd/pseuds/Colonel_Edd
Summary: Jack Harkness and Ianto Jones are co-workers at the Torchwood Institute, Ianto get’s his big break and is assigned the case of his dreams, there’s one little problem though... he has to work with Jack Harkness. Can Jack and Ianto put their differences aside in order to catch the alien wreaking havoc on Roseman Drive or will they let their feelings get in the way of the job?





	1. Misunderstandings

Ianto sat waiting impatiently for his partner to join him in the briefing room, this was their first big case together and he wanted everything to go smoothly. Lisa was an amazing partner to work with, she was professional, tidy and would go to any and all lengths to ensure the mission was a success. In short she was his favourite person to work with in the entire institute and all they needed now was for their boss to sign off on their cover story before they could get to work.

Number 3 Roseman Drive was to be their base of operations, Ianto had been keeping an eye on the place ever since Alex Hopkins mentioned the case to him and it was finally up for sale. The neighbourhood itself was quite nice, lots of families, little to no hoodlum or rift activity and was very competitively priced. There was one small issue with the area though, Torchwood had been picking up on strange signals coming from the neighbourhood for quite some time now but no matter how many agents they sent in to take a look, they all came back empty handed. 

That’s where Ianto was about to step in, he had suggested buying the property that had been put up for sale and setting up a more permanent surveillance station. Number 3 was right in the middle of the signal zone, whatever was going on was centred around that house, or one of the neighbouring ones. It was a beautiful house, perfect for a small family or a couple looking to start one of their own. His plan was for him and Lisa to go undercover as a married couple, once they secured the property they would begin their investigation, they had to locate the source of the signal and bring in the aliens masquerading as their would be neighbours.

He had the cover stories sorted as well, planned and strategised down to the very last detail. He had photoshopped pictures of their wedding, forged certificates and had even lined up fake jobs as not to arouse suspicion. All that was left was to get Hopkins to sign off on it and they could get to work.

“Ianto, thank god I found you before Hopkins got here” Lisa burst into the room in a display of unusual dramatics, “I just got off the phone with my Mother, my dad has had a heart attack back home and I need to be there”

Ianto knew Lisa’s family lived in Australia and what this meant for him and the mission, “You can’t do the case?”

“Ianto, he might be dying” Lisa looked horrified that he might be asking her to stay, “He-”

“No, I understand you have to go” Ianto reassured her and closed his file, all his hard work going down the drain, “Family is important, you should be with him” he’d get his big break eventually, right?

Lisa stepped forward quickly and gave him a brief hug, something she had never done before, “I knew you would understand, I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t be” Ianto forced a smile, “It’s fine”

“But I found you a replacement,” Lisa wrung her hands together, “You can still do the mission, you’ll just have to tweak the cover a bit”

“Sure, okay” Ianto blinked with surprise as Lisa’s phone rang, “Who did you get as a replacement?” He asked but Lisa was already making an apologetic expression and hurrying away

Ianto didn’t have long to work himself up though as before he knew it Alex Hopkins, his boss of five years, was strutting into the room with an eyebrow raised, “Hallet caught me on her way out, said you had some last minute changes to the cover?”

“Um, yes sir” Ianto handed the file over nervously that still had all his old work in, thankful when he didn’t open it, “Lisa has had to pull herself from the case and told me she arranged a suitable substitute”

“And who might that be?” Hopkins asked expectantly and Ianto had no idea what to say when the door to the briefing room swung open dramatically for a second time

“Me” A toothy grin, broad shoulders and a jaw line that could cut, Jack Harkness entered the room and Ianto had all of three seconds to curse Lisa and her entire family for doing this to him before he had to plaster on a smile and pretend he was happy about the situation

“Jack Harkness” he told Hopkins as his entire plan crumbled around him. There was no way he was going to be able to sustain his cover of a young, hopeful family to be with the walking talking sex machine that was his arch rival Jack Harkness. 

Every mission, every case, every waking moment Ianto had worked for Torchwood, Jack _bloody_ Harkness always managed to screw everything up. He was sloppy, flirty and a general pain in the arse. Worse still when Jack looked at him it was more like he was looking right through him. They had worked in the same underground organisation for the last five years and Jack looked at him as if he were a stranger and not the guy who had been cleaning up his messes ever since he walked through the door.

“Harkness?” Even Hopkins looked surprised but he wasn’t about to dig too deep, as long as the work got done he didn’t really care, “Alright, I’m giving you two months and I’d better see some results or I’ll go back to the way we’ve always done it. Scoop everyone up and use the damn probe on them till they break, understood?”

“Yes sir” Ianto nodded

“Sure thing Alex” Jack winked at his boss and watched him leave with a leer before turning to look at Ianto for the first time since he entered the room, “Hey blue eyes, looks like we’re working a case together, might be getting up close and personal too by the sounds of it. I’m Jack” he held out a hand that Ianto resolutely ignored

“I know who you are” Ianto glared at him as he scooped up his now useless cover, somehow he didn’t think Jack was going to mesh too well with the identity he’d set up for Lisa, “Why did Lisa pick you of all people? This is going to be a nightmare”

“Hey” Jack said indignantly, letting his hand fall back to his side “What crawled up your ass and died there?”

“Nothing” Ianto snapped, “Do you even know what this mission is about?”

“That’s what you’re here for” Jack looked him up and down, “Isn’t it? I go do the mission and you’re my back up”

Ianto actually laughed at that, “No, _I’m_ leading this mission. I’m the one who badgered Hopkins till he let me pursue it, I’m the one who made all the plans and-”

“You’re the one acting like a prick” Jack finished for him, “Go on then you walking factotum, tell me what we’re doing”

Trying to rein in his seething rage, Ianto explained through gritted teeth, “Two agents are required to infiltrate Roseman Drive undetected to monitor the people who live there”

Jack gave him a baffled look, “Why?”

“Because an unidentifiable alien signal is emitting from one of the neighbouring houses and its our job to make sure aliens don’t take over the planet” Ianto told him sarcastically, “Only now I’ve got to work with you of all people, the cover I had made for Lisa and myself is now completely useless and I’m stuck with you”

“What do you mean ‘me of all people’? The way I see it I just saved your case, without me Hopkins would have benched it” Jack glared right back at him, crossing his arms defensively

Ianto snarked right back, “I mean your reputation certainly proceeds you”

Jack looked like he’d swallowed a lemon as his glare turned downright nasty “Oh I see how it is, I’ve dealt with your kind before, the sort of man who doesn’t want to even share the same air as a homo, too scared it’ll spread. Well let me tell you this _Jones_ ” he practically spat his name, “I’m no happier about working with some homophobic, glorified janitor either but I’m doing this a favour for Lisa, god knows what she see’s in you as a coworker, let alone a friend”

And with that Jack stormed away, leaving Ianto unable to defend himself as the words Jack had used settled in. Boy had he grabbed the wrong end of the stick.


	2. Apology

Ianto normally didn’t mind waiting, he was an understanding sort of guy and knew that sometimes people couldn’t help being late for some things. Today however, he was not feeling very understanding as Jack was running late for their appointment to go view the house together. Ianto had already done most of the legwork, charming the estate agent at previous appointments, all that was left to do was see the house, put a very generous offer in and make a good impression.

An impression that Jack was seemingly trying to ruin with his tardiness, “Come on, we’re going to be late” Ianto snapped as soon as Jack arrived in the lift to the parking level, Ianto was three steps away from his car before he stopped and looked Jack up and down, “You’re wearing that?”

Jack didn’t seem too happy to be there either and scowled at him, “Yes, I am. Problem?”

Problem? Ianto asked himself as he shook his head, Jack was wearing his usual historical get up, those godawful bright red braces under his admittedly, and frustratingly, flattering overcoat, “No, whatever” they were unlikely to get the place anyway, why not let Jack fuck up his mission even further by dressing up like a damn World War Two soldier 

“So” Jack broke the tense silence that had settled over the two men as soon as Ianto had turned the engine on and started driving, “Are we going to convince the estate agent we’re madly in love by ignoring each other all day or…”

“Your ring is in the glove compartment as well as a new cover I organised for us” Ianto didn’t take his eyes off the road as Jack took a look at all his new and improved hard work, he’d stayed up all night to cobble it together and if Jack made one snide comment he’d kick him out of the car into oncoming traffic

Jack let out a low whistle and Ianto was ready to maim him before he asked, “You did all this in one night?”

“Yes” Ianto answered tersely, unsure if Harkness was actually impressed or setting him up to be the but of a mean joke, “I couldn’t very well introduce you as Lisa Jones, my lovely Wife, could I?”

“I guess not” Jack looked closer at his cover and scowled, “Hang on, you think you can just lump me working at a hairdressers cause I’m not straight? Do you know how offensive that is? You can’t just go stereotyping-”

“Oh my god, do you ever shut up?” Ianto snapped as he resisted the urge to pull out into oncoming traffic, “You think you know everything, so quick to jump down my throat. Read it again dipshit, I’m the one working at the hairdressers, you’re the history teacher”

“I’m a what?” Jack checked again, reading more carefully before looking up sheepishly, “Oh”

“Yeah ‘oh’, and you were wrong yesterday by the way” Ianto shot him a glare, “I’m not homophobic”

“Sure you’re not” Jack rolled his eyes, “You just don’t want to work with me because I’m ‘different’”

“I don’t want to work with you because you’re an egotistical prick who’s heads so far up his own arse I’m surprised he can smell anything but his own bullshit” Ianto tightened his grip on the steering wheel and slid one last dig in, “Besides it’s pretty hard being homophobic since I’m bi myself”

“You’re what?” Jack looked at him again and Ianto hated the way his eyes raked over his body like he was a piece of meat, there was a reason he wasn’t out at work and Jack had just proved he was right in his decision to keep it quiet, “I still don’t like you” Jack made it abundantly clear

“Good, because I don’t like you either. The sooner we finish this mission the sooner we can go back to pretending the other doesn’t exist” Ianto pulled to a stop outside number 3 Roseman drive, they were a few minutes early, “This is it, we’re meant to be observing the four closest families,” Ianto pointed the houses in questions out in turn, “Number 5 is a married couple currently pregnant with their first child. Number 2 is another married couple but these have two kids, number 4 is a single mother with one child and number 1 is an old married couple currently between foster children”

“How do you know all this?” Jack asked

“Because” Ianto raised an eyebrow, “I did my research”

After a beat of silence Jack had to ask, “How did you get picked for this mission in the first place?” It had been bugging him since he walked into the briefing room to see a guy he didn’t recognise wearing an expensive suit, who was apparently going to be his parter for this mission, “I mean, you’re not exactly agent material”

“I’m sorry?” Ianto asked gobsmacked, “You really have no idea who I am, do you? We’ve worked together for five years and I never once appeared on your radar” Jack just shrugged, “I’m Ianto Jones, I am an active agent with a spotless record, I’ve been cleaning up after you since I got here and, yes, I am agent material. I’m one of the damn best agents Torchwood has”

“If that’s true than why have I never noticed you?” Jack asked, wincing when he heard it back, that had sounded cruel, “I-”

“Because as I’ve said before, you’re head is so far up your own arse-”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it” Jack slid his fake ring on and rolled his shoulders, “Come on, let’s get this over with”

The estate agent was already waiting for them inside, ready to show Ianto and Jack around the house with an eager smile, “Hello Mr Jones, it’s a pleasure to see you again. Am I right in assuming this is the partner I’ve been hearing so much about?” She smiled at Jack

“Yes” Ianto looked between her and Jack before biting the bullet and sliding his arm around Jack’s waist, “This is Jack, I finally managed to drag him away from work to take a look at this place”

Jack was surprised Ianto had been so forward but went along with it, resting his head on the other mans shoulder, they had to sell it after all, “Nice to meet you, I’ve been dying to see the place Yan has been so excited about” he didn’t miss the way Ianto tensed next to him at the nickname but decided to question him about it later

For now he let the estate agent show him and Ianto around, it was a nice enough house. A modern kitchen, a spacious bathroom, two bedrooms and a nice back garden, a perfect little set up for a family. Jack was surprised by Ianto’s acting skills as they walked around, he had a dreamy sort of smile on his face the entire time and if Jack didn’t know it was an act he swore it looked like Ianto was in love with him.

Ianto was sure to ask the estate agent a lot of questions about the area so it didn’t look like he’d researched it within an inch of it’s life and she was all too happy to babble on about the neighbourhood for what felt like hours. Though she in turn asked lots of questions about them, “So how did you two meet?”

Jack, who hadn’t read the cover, panicked for a moment before Ianto answered for him, “Oh it’s a lovely story, I was working in my best friends sisters hairdressers when Jack came in with this hideous mullet, I called dibs the second he walked through the door though, I knew he had potential.” Ianto grinned at her and cocked his head to one side, “Have you seen him? Anyway I plucked up the courage to ask him on a date before he left and we’ve been together ever since”

“It was not hideous” Jack argued even though it was a complete fabrication, “And I asked you out”

Ianto turned his back on the estate agent and gave him an extremely unimpressed look before the mask came down again and he was back to lovey dovey Ianto who laughed at him and shook his head, “Okay so maybe I was a bit of a stuttering mess and he took pity on me and asked instead but it’s the thought that counts”

Thankfully that seemed to have saved it and the estate agent was laughing along , “Of course we have some other potential buyers but I really like the two of you and the offer you made was quite generous. I’ll talk with my boss but you should be hearing from me by the end of the week if all goes well”

“Thanks a lot for showing us around” Ianto shook her hand gratefully, “This house is amazing, the sort of place we’ve always dreamt of starting a family in” 

Once Ianto had Jack back in the car though the lovey dovey Ianto was gone and replaced with the angry frowning one that Jack liked significantly less, “That went well” Jack tried to save himself but it was no use

“What the hell Jack?!” Ianto started up the car, “You could have blown our cover, why the hell did you argue over who asked out whom? It’s not like it matters”

Ianto was right, Jack realised, he had just been acting petty, “I’m sorry”

“Of course you- hang on” Ianto stopped mid rant with a look of disbelief, “Did you just apologise?”

Frowning, Jack refused to look at him, “Yes but don’t get used to it”

“I won’t” Ianto told him suspiciously, glancing over every couple of seconds. He was half afraid the real Jack had been captured and he was now sat next to an alien shapeshifter, he could feel the shame rolling off him though, he honestly felt bad about his actions and so Ianto let it go, “Still, I think we made a good impression, you should pack a couple of bags if we’re moving in by the end of the week”

“Yeah, she was completely under my charms” Jack boasted and Ianto rolled his eyes. There he was, he knew it was too good to be true.

-

Moving was stressful enough in normal conditions but Ianto found if you added even a dash of Harkness that everything got much worse, “What the hell is that?” Ianto balked at the mammoth chair that was now sat in the middle of his very nicely decorated living room

“It’s my lazy boy” Jack sunk into it with a groan, “You didn’t expect me to sit on that awful sofa did you? It’s the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever sat on, and that’s saying something because I once had a one night stand with-”

“Okay, okay I get the picture” Ianto threw his hands up in defeat, he had an awful headache, he’d dropped a box of books on his foot and had hit his head on the kitchen cupboard not five minutes ago. In short he was fed up, hungry and exhausted, he just didn’t have the energy to argue with him, “Keep it, I don’t care. I’m going to unpack in the master bedroom”

“Hang on, what?” Jack looked up from his phone suddenly with a confused expression, “I already unpacked in the master bedroom, you’re sleeping in the spare”

“What?” Ianto stared back at him, dumbfounded, “Why the hell did you think you’d get the bigger room when I’ve expressly told you a hundred times I-”

“Well I’m the more senior agent, perks of the job right?” Jack asked

Beyond frustrated, Ianto gave up and cut his losses, “Whatever” he grabbed his bags and stormed upstairs to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him childishly. He knew he was overreacting but after being exposed to pure Harkness bullshit for so long he was nearing the end of his tether. He didn’t know how he was going to last two months with the arrogant arse. 

Ianto flopped down onto the single bed that came with the house and let out a deep sigh as he let the tension seep through his bones. He honestly didn’t mean to fall asleep and leave the rest of the unpacking to Jack but he hadn’t slept for what felt like years and if Ianto was forced to admit it, the bed was kind of comfortable. When he woke up it was almost five o’clock and he decided to make some dinner, he’d been to the shops earlier to stock their kitchen and pettily decided to only make enough for himself. 

Jack could fend for himself, he wasn’t about to turn into his little housewife thank you very much.

However once he descended the stairs and found the place immaculate he almost reconsidered. It was clear that Jack had put a lot of effort into decorating the place and unpacking all of his things nicely but it still didn’t make up for being a major dick for the majority of the day. 

Ianto decided on making pasta and got to work, cooking was something he enjoyed and before he knew it he was swaying around the new kitchen, humming to himself as he cooked, forgetting that he wasn’t alone, “Hey” Jack knocked sheepishly on the stylish archway they had instead of a door that the estate agent had claimed ‘helped open up the room’, startling Ianto out of his daydream

Embarrassed to have been caught, Ianto tried his best not to blush as he cleared his throat, “What do you want?”

“To apologise” Jack told him honestly, “I know today hasn’t been easy, I get the impression you’re an ‘a place for everything and everything in its place’ kinda guy and I know I’m not the tidiest housemate”

“Hmm” Ianto turned away and focused on stirring the pasta

Jack wasn’t used to apologising but decided to try his best, “Look, I’m sorry about the room as well, okay? I didn’t think, I’m used to getting my way a lot but you’re right, this is your mission and I should be more considerate”

“Really?” Ianto looked him up and down, feeling contriteness pouring off him in waves, “Alright, I accept your apology, would you like some pasta for dinner?” He extended an olive branch, if he and Jack were going to co-inhabit the same space for the foreseeable future, they were going to have to learn to get along. Or at least, you know, stop plotting to murder the other in their sleep.

“If there’s some going I wouldn’t say no” Jack looked at him carefully, as if he was anticipating a trap, “But I could always make myself a sandwich or something if not”

Ianto looked down at the pot and had to admit he did make too much for just one person, maybe subconsciously he never planned to exclude Jack, “I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t have enough, would you set the table?”

Now Jack usually ate his dinner in front of the TV but he was trying to build bridges here, “Of course, um, where are the…”

“Cutlery is in the second drawer from the sink, crockery is in the first cupboard on the right” Ianto jerked his head behind him and took the pasta off the heat, “I never asked, are you allergic to anything?”

“Cats” Jack looked down at the pot and smiled, “But I don’t think that’s going to be an issue”


	3. Themes

Jack awoke the next morning to the smell of bacon and eggs which confused him for a few seconds before he realised what was happening, he was undercover with Ianto to find the aliens disguised as one of their neighbours. He took his time getting dressed, doing his hair just so before making his way downstairs to join Ianto for breakfast, “Morning” he smiled at the man already sat eating at the table, “Save any for me?”

“Maybe” Ianto watched him carefully, “Go grab yourself some and we can talk business”

“Ooh, kinky” Jack winked, surprised yet oddly pleased when Ianto blushed, that was new, “I’m kidding” he didn’t want to make the other man uncomfortable, the sooner they found the aliens the sooner they could get back to their normal lives and put this strange chapter behind them, “So, whats our strategy then?” Jack asked as he sat down at the table with a bacon sandwich, moaning around his first bite, “If you carry on cooking like this I’m gonna need to start going on morning jogs”

Smiling behind his coffee cup, Ianto cleared his throat and tried not to show his pleasure in the compliment, he had a reputation to uphold after all, “Today we’ll be introducing ourselves to everyone, we’re inviting everyone to our housewarming party this Friday night”

“We’re having a party?” Jack asked, not bothering to tone down his excitement at the idea, “What’s the theme?”

Ianto looked at him as if he were insane, “The theme?”

“Hollywood, 90’s disco, Alice in Wonderland. Y’know, party themes” Jack was staring back at him with the same confused expression, “What did you have in mind?”

“Uh, housewarming” Ianto admitted, “Look the theme doesn’t matter, we-”

“The theme absolutely does matter,” Jack cut him off, “If we want people to have a good time we need a good theme, they won’t open up or even come if you throw a boring party”

Annoyed, Ianto threw his arms up, “You throw it then, I couldn’t care less to be honest. Now, we’re going round later in the evening after we get back from ‘work’ so make sure you’re dressed in teacher appropriate clothing.”

“What will you be wearing?” Jack asked without really thinking, too busy already planning the best house warming party to have ever been thrown

“Casual clothes, I work at a hairdressers remember” Ianto stood up and took his plate into the kitchen, “Speaking of, we really should get going, to keep up appearances, it will look weird if we stay home all day”

“I really have to go to work?” Jack pulled a disgruntled face, “I’m a history buff but I’m no teacher”

“I organised an office for you at the local university, just follow the directions in your information pack and spend the day doing something useful. You only ‘work’ three days a week anyway and you don’t have any classes. Just keep your head down”

It could have been worse he supposed, “And what about you?” Jack asked, “Where are you working?”

“Holy Snip, the hairdressers in town. I know the owner, Ex Torchwood London.” Ianto told him offhandedly, “They said I could work there a couple of days for a few weeks”

“How do you know someone form Torchwood London?” Jack crinkled his nose, he’d never been a fan of One, too stuffy

“I used to work there before I transferred to Cardiff” Ianto checked his reflection in the mirror before grabbing his coat and nodding towards the door, eager to escape before Jack could ask anymore questions, “I’ll be back before you, the CCTV cameras have been pointed at the surrounding houses, you can watch from the computer in your office. Call me if you see anything strange”

“And what? You get to relax cutting hair all day?” Jack felt like he’d gotten a bad deal, making a mental note to ask about how the hell Hopkins had allowed an Ex Londoner into Torchwood 3, “While I do all the hard work”

“I’ll be gathering intel” Ianto rolled his eyes as he pulled on his shoes, “People tell their hairdressers everything”

-

Ianto hadn’t expected to enjoy himself as much as he had on his first day, it helped of course that he was a dab hand at cutting hair. It’s not like he was going in blind though, he had enough experience to pass without arousing suspicion, he could only hope that Jack had managed to keep his head down as well. Maybe he could offer to give his hair a little trim later? Was that something friends did? Did he want Jack to be his friend? It would probably be for the best if they didn’t outright hate each other.

As he predicted he was the first home that evening but not by long, “You’re home early” Ianto looked up from his laptop where he was filling in a report as Jack came storming in looking like someone had dragged him backwards through a bush, “What happened to you?”

“Don’t talk to me” Jack grit out between clenched teeth as he tugged his jacket off and threw it to the floor, “I’ve had a day from hell”

Ducking as Jack kicked his shoes off, Ianto opened his mouth to scold when he saw just how tense the other man was, “I can go round the neighbours by myself if you’re not up to it” he offered, rather generously if he did say so himself, feeling snubbed when Jack just grunted at him in response and disappeared off upstairs without another word, “Charming” Ianto rolled his eyes and decided to give the other man space to cool off.

A tad nervous, Ianto pulled his shoes back on and slipped out of the house. 

He approached the house next door first, number 5, a married couple pregnant with their first child if his research was right, which it defiantly was. He knocked quickly before he could overthink it and smiled brightly when a large man answered the door, “Hello, I’m Ianto Jones, I just moved in next door”

“Yeah, we thought we saw some vans and stuff earlier in the week” The man extended a hand, “Mike, what can I do for you?”

“I just wanted to invite you to our housewarming party this Friday, we’re inviting all the neighbours see” Ianto nodded as a woman joined Mike at the door, “Hello”

“Oh, right” Mike slipped a beefy arm around his heavily pregnant wife, “This is Samantha, Sammy this is our new neighbour Ianto. He’s invited us to his housewarming on Friday”

“That sounds lovely” Sammy beamed, “I don’t get to go out much nowadays, we’ll be there right Mike?”

“Of course,” Mike agreed dutifully, “What time?”

Good question, “Around 7 o’clock” Ianto plucked a time out of thin air and made his excuses to leave, he still had three houses left and he wasn’t keen on leaving Jack to his own devices for too long.

Walking around to the opposite side of his house, he knocked on the elderly couples door. They took longer to answer and when they did Ianto was surprised to see them both stood there looking at him expectantly, “We’re not buying anything” the woman warned him

“Ah, no, I’m Ianto Jones, I live next door” He said quickly as they went to shut the door in his face, “I wanted to invite you to a housewarming party this Friday at 7?”

“We don’t do parties” the man scowled at him, “Besides, that’s when Eastenders is on”

“Oh, alright” Ianto licked his lips, “Well, it was nice meeting you anyway Mr…?”

“Sidaway, Charles Sidaway” He told him begrudgingly, “And this is Dorris, goodnight Mr Jones”

“Goodnight!” Ianto barely got the word out before the door was slamming in his face. Well, that could have gone better. He’d have to get Jack to take a crack at them later, once he’d calmed down that is. Two houses left, Ianto crossed the road and opened the closest garden gate, number 4 it was.

Doorbell this time, Ianto rung it once, then once again when nobody answered and a final third time as a latch ditch attempt. He wasn’t expecting anyone to answer and was about to try his luck next door when the door swung open to reveal a harassed looking woman. Oh that’s right, single mum, “Can I help you?” She asked, brushing her hair from her eyes

“I’m Ianto, I moved in across the road” He introduced himself, “We’re holding a housewarming this Friday and wanted to invite the neighbours”

“We?” She asked curiously, “Sorry, I’m Fiona”

This would have been easier if Jack was with him but whatever, “Nice to meet you Fiona. Yes, we as in my partner and I, Jack’s busy with tea so I thought I’d slip away for a minute”

The woman seemed exhausted but managed to pull a smile together, “That sounds wonderful, my daughter is having a sleepover that night. I’d love to get to know you and your wife, community is a big thing here”

“My wife?” Ianto asked with a raised eyebrow, he can’t remember mentioning a woman

Wide eyes locked with his own and Ianto knew what was coming as she opened her mouth with panic, “Is Jack not short for Jaqueline?”

“No, Jack’s my husband” Ianto steeled himself for the backlash but it never came, instead he had to listen to the poor woman overcompensate as she backtracked

“Oh, that’s great! Really great, everyone around here is very accepting.” She waved her hand around awkwardly, “I’m sure you’ll fit right in, it’s great”

“Right” Ianto rocked back on the balls of his feet, “Well, I’d better get going. Nice to meet you”

“And you” Fiona opened her mouth to say more but a crash from inside had her turning around and closing the door quickly behind her as she went to check what her daughter had broken this time.

That left number 2, the married couple with two children. Ianto didn’t expect much when he knocked on their door, definitely shocked when one of the children answered, “What do you want?” The petulant little boy couldn’t have been older than 10, he held a chocolate bar in one hand and a games console in the other, “Well?”

“Are your parents home?” Ianto asked after he recovered, he wasn’t about to invite the child after all

“Joe, get away from the door!” Ah, here comes the mother, she looked like she was at the end of her tether and Ianto really had to dig deep to scrounge up a smile, “Sorry about that, can I help you?”

“Yes, hello” Ianto nodded, “I’m your new neighbour from across the road, just wanted to invite you to our housewarming party this Friday”

“Oh,” the woman blinked at him, “That sounds… nice, I’ll see what I can do”

So that was a no then, Ianto resisted the urge to sigh as he played nice, “Lovely, I’m Ianto by the way” 

“Gemma” she looked at him expectantly and when Ianto didn’t say anything else, she started closing the door, “Nice to meet you, goodbye”

“Bye” he raised a hand to wave, sighing deeply once the door was shut. So that was two suspicious grumpy elders, a frazzled single mother, a large man with an even larger wife and a strange lady that gave off weird vibes. None of them were particularly normal but then again who was he to judge what was normal or not? He worked for a secret origination that caught aliens for a living for Christ’s sake.

At least he’d invited everyone, now all he had to do was go back home and deal with Jack. Hopefully the other man was slightly calmer now. If not, well Ianto wasn’t going to be a doormat, Jack could bloody well get a grip, he was a grown man not a toddler having a tantrum after all.


	4. First Day at School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! See, I haven’t forgotten about this one, though I’ll admit its a short chapter this time. Hope you like it anyway :)

Jack would be lying if he said he’d never thought about teaching, he had a lot of wisdom after all and if the whole Torchwood thing had never panned out he could easily see himself shaping young minds, he was a bit of a role model you could say. That’s why when Ianto ran out of the door eager to get to work at his own fake job, Jack was actually a little excited to head out too. 

He wouldn’t be teaching any actual classes but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be an excellent tutor, he’d leave his office door open and bestow wisdom upon any enthusiastic student that entered. The chance was too perfect to pass up, maybe Ianto had done him a huge favour landing him this position.

Only he didn’t get off the the best start, on his walk into work a cyclist collided with him just outside the University and sent him sprawling into a puddle by the side of the road. Flustered and covered in dirty road water, Jack picked himself up and was about to give the cyclist an earful with the ignorant fucker just kept on peddling. A small crowd had gathered, many of which were students hiding smirks behind their hands and to add insult to injury they all had their phones out taking pictures. What was it with youth today? Nobody had even offered him a hand up.

He hadn’t made the best first impression and his day only went downhill from there.

His ‘office’ that Ianto had told him about was little more than a utility cupboard so far out of the way that he’d be lucky if the cleaners even found him. Lunch was a disaster as well, he’d spilt soup on his lap and didn’t have a spare set of clothes with him to change into, he’d left his wallet at home as well so he couldn’t even pay for the damn meal he’d dumped on himself either. 

All this before 12 o’ clock. 

Just when he thought his day couldn’t get any worse, he entered the wrong toilets trying to clean himself up and got screamed at by 4 young women, almost getting dragged off campus for being a ‘pervert’. 

Then came the cherry on top of the miserable cake, on his way out he ripped his suit falling down the rain slick steps outside the University a mere ten foot away from where he’d been knocked over that very morning. He returned home that evening, his suit ripped and covered in dirty puddle water, half a bowl of soup and several bucket loads of shame. He knew he looked a mess and it didn’t help his ego when he saw Ianto relaxed on the sofa looking fucking perfect, all clean and happy. The bastard. 

“What happened to you?”

Jack grit his teeth, seething as he tugged his uncomfortable jacket off, “Don’t talk to me” he was not in the mood to receive pity from Ianto bloody Jones, “I’ve had a day from hell” he threw his jacket on the floor childishly and kicked his shoes off to the side

“I can go round the neighbours by myself if you’re not up to it” Ianto offered and Jack lost it at that, he didn’t care that Ianto was trying to be kind or that it wasn’t the other mans fault he’d had the worst day in the history of the world, Jack was just angry and needed to vent at someone. Fuck it, Ianto wanted to get on with the mission so bad? He was welcome to do so.

Jack grunted affirmatively and stomped up stairs to have a shower, maybe he could wash off the embarrassment while he was at it. He heard the front door shut and let the tension seep out of his shoulders as the hot water rained down on him, maybe when Ianto got in he could calmly explain that he would need a new cover, the University wasn’t going to work out.

He should have known Ianto wouldn’t make things easy for him.

-

Ianto opened the front door with a hint of trepidation, for all that Jack was an annoying egotistical prat they were working together and he did want to maintain a professional working relationship. He didn’t want them to be at odds to early on in this assignment, everything would go a lot smoother if they got along, “Jack? I’m back”

“What, no ‘Honey I’m home’?” Jack asked as he walked out of the kitchen with a beer, a beer that belonged to Ianto since he was the one who bought them but maybe now wasn’t the right time to start a fight. He could always buy more, “I can’t to go back to the university, it’s not my scene” then again…

“I’m sorry what?” Ianto crossed his arms with a frown, “Not your _scene_?”

Jack took a sip of his beer and nodded, “That’s what I just said isn’t it? So I’ll need a new cover-”

“No” Ianto told him simply, “Do you have any idea how hard I worked to even get this all set up? I can’t go changing your cover now unless you’ve blown it in which case the whole assignment has been compromised! What did you do?”

“Nothing” Jack wouldn’t blush, Jack Harkness doesn’t blush, “I just don’t like it there”

Infuriated, Ianto managed not to shout at him but it was a close all, “Well suck it up, do you think I’ve enjoyed my day cutting people’s hair? Listening to Margret complain about her husbands lack of libido ever since he’s started taking the new pills the doctor proscribed? Or how Anne-Marie has recently gone through a divorce from hell, complete with a custody battle over a bloody dog? No I haven’t Jack but we’re here to do surveillance-”

“I’m not going back there, end of story!” Jack seemingly didn’t have any qualms about shouting, “I’m the senior agent and-”

“And you can go fuck yourself” Ianto was surprised with himself but he wasn’t going to take it back, “Sometimes people have to do shitty jobs, not everyone was born with a silver spoon in their mouths so I’m sorry you have to do some actual work for a change but tough shit”

“We can discuss this tomorrow” Jack crossed his arms, internally seething. Who did Jones think he was ordering him around, making assumptions about his life? He didn’t know anything about him, “It’s getting late, I guess I’ll have whatever you’re having for dinner tonight”

Ianto blinked once, then once again for good measure but no this wasn’t a dream. Harkness really was that self centred, “I’m having stir fry, you can fend for yourself” he pushed by him to get to the kitchen, “I think there’s a Pot Noodle in the cupboard” he threw over his shoulder, feeling petty but untitled to it. If Jack thought he was going to cook for him after that display he was wrong, Ianto refused to be a doormat.

Speechless, Jack watched Ianto walk away from him and damn, he didn’t want to but his eyes couldn’t help but follow his arse. How was it fair that such a selfish man could have such an enticing arse?

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not sure how often this will get updated, I kept getting distracted by the idea when trying to write for my other story so hopefully writing it will get it out of my system. Let me know what you think in the comments :)


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